Thrush Poetry Journal
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Nandini Dhar 

 Clap Done

       (after Rita Dove)

For a six-year old there was plenty to do
split apart the letters          spell out the word
memorize      let it brew  
climb into the story     hornet's nest   blurred
like the backyard         no lamps         secret   staircase
But I am not a child anymore    –  sticking   names to everything
the toy monkey         Goldilocks     writing lines           erase erase  erase 
I read a page in the book        tear it up         clap done. Stare       neighbor-woman  breastfeeding
When I get up           I leave behind torn pages― countable remains of words accomplished
Grandmother  shouts: there is a juju-lady  in the kitchen closet.  White hairs like jute
nails just like me        sharper.  Teeth like fangs― eats kids        bbbasssss        finished  
I laugh : you're the witch      stupid old hag       now listen to a word I have learnt : brute brute brute 
I claim : I don't believe in god         witches don't exist        neither do demons
Now go and do what you're good at :           pickling lemons

I am nine      continue to tear pages from books when done
make pictures from them  – little women, grey rabbits
red hoods      brown foxes       princess with old lady bun
tear them     along the black lines   glue them     in dreams    we cohabit
the wall near my side of the bed.    Mother says
once you grow up  wish you have a daughter  just like yourself
I yell: don't worry    I will always have a teddy to play
but you   have nothing to do     but     stew   stew and stew
because I am the only toy she had     a  pop in the head
    brat        why can't you just die   
I figure out     at last       what it is to re-read  
girls with yellow hair    rose-pink skin        sky-blue   eyes
draw  beards on them           brown the pink        hair like mine        black
beat back         beat back          beat back 




Nandini Dhar
's poems have appeared or are forthcoming in Prick of the Spindle, lingerpost, Palooka, Existere, PANK, Pear Noir, Southern Humanities Review and SOFTBLOW. Her work has also been featured in the anthology The Moment of Change: An Anthology of Feminist Speculative Writing. A Pushcart nominee, Nandini grew up in Kolkata, India. Currently, she is a Ph.D. Candidate in Comparative Literature at University of Texas at Austin, and lives in Austin,Texas.




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